Doing this for Fiance's mom, please help me out, I need advice for her about irresponsible people.....?

Ok, I need advice. This might be long. READ IT ALL OR DON'T POST.





I live with my Fiance', his mother, little sister, brother, and brother's girlfriend. (Me and my Fiance' are moving out in a few days but that's beside the point). His brother is 24, his brother's girlfriend is 20. Neither have jobs at this point.





The brother and brother's girlfriend are constantly making messes around the house, LARGE messes....leaving piles of clothes all over the place, dirty dishes, things from their room are always in the hallway, the bathroom me and my Fiance' have to share with them is TRASHED. They will NOT clean up their messes. They say they will but never do it, they claim they are depressed and have traumas from being yelled at by the Mom here. The Mom is extremely stressed about to lose the house and they don't pay rent, and she yells at them to clean their messes and they throw it back at her saying how she is traumatizing them into never wanting to come out of their room in fear of getting yelled at. They are extremely complex and we have no idea how to deal with them. I just want to be like ';Wtf clean your mess, the Mom wouldn't yell at you if you didn't make messes';, but I know they would be complicated and say ';Yes she would, she yells at us because she has problems';. When the mom asks them nicely, they say they will do it, then days pass and they never do and she EXPLODES with anger, and they use that against her like ';See! I told you she's crazy!';. The Mom works early in the morning until late at night and they are home all day in their room playing video games, giggling, watching videos when they SHOULD be cleaning up their messes! I have tried talking to them, but they are extremely complex and philosophical, avoiding questions and telling us story after story of times the Mom ';hurt their feelings';, and how they have to be in the ';right mood'; to do things. It's very frustrating. The mother has given them deadlines, but they beg for more time, they have nowhere to go. We have left positive notes of encouragement to clean up messes and they crumble them or turn them upside down to be funny or deface them. The Mother has no money to move out and is actually considering bankruptcy. Whenever I talk with them I end up feeling guilty with their frowns and depressing words! They are manipulative it seems.





The mother has threatened to kick them out, but she doesn't have the heart to kick out her own son. I don't know if I should believe them about being depressed and traumatized. They don't clean up their own messes, it's their responsibility and it's stressing us all out. They are ADULTS for crying out loud!





I am asking for the Mother, I know we are moving, but she isn't! She is stuck with them!





What can we do?Doing this for Fiance's mom, please help me out, I need advice for her about irresponsible people.....?
You can't do anything to help her. She needs to help herself by kicking those lazy bums out of the house. No matter what you say she will still allow them to behave in this manner. You might try offering her a place to stay with you and your boyfriend with the stipulation that the two mess makers will not be welcome, even for a visit. It may ease her stress, give her a chance to get on her feet, and force the two leeches to take responsibility for themselves.Doing this for Fiance's mom, please help me out, I need advice for her about irresponsible people.....?
Tell her that if she loves her son, she will kick him out and make him take care of himself. He needs to learn to grow up. He will never leave on his own. Never.
I agree with the top two answerers. The mother is enabling them and they are manipulative passive aggressive abusers and they are taking advantage of the moms inability to get tough and defend herself.





The problem is simple and unfortunately as long as the mom lets this continue it's her own fault. She should not listen to their ';complex'; arguments because it is all BS. Just a con game they have figured out and they must be dealt with decisively and immediately for the sake of the mother and it is for their own good as well. But their needs are secondary to the moms needs because they are the perpetrators of this injustice and the mom and you are the victims.





Call the sheriff, have them evicted legally. They won't be able to con the police.





As far as you are concerned you need to get out of the situation and they have to deal with it themselves. I understand your concern but you can't know everything that this family went through to get to this point. The mother may have been abusive at some point and is now getting her karma. But whose fault it is is irrelevant at this point. The cycle of abuse must be stopped and there's really nothing you can do until they realize what they are doing is wrong and seek help themselves. We're talking about adults here and they are responsible for themselves. Thank God you are moving out. You can be supportive but don't make it your problem, it's their problem and they have to figure it out.