Advice? I'm Pregnant and People Are Driving Me Nuts?

So I am 30 weeks pregnant with a boy (or so we've been told). I have chosen some names that I like, and my husband likes them too. My mom mainly is the one driving me nuts. She is full of unsolicited advice that I don't want to hear. Full of judgements. For one, we have a list of names we like, none of them are your normal ';Christopher, Michael, Jacob'; type of names. We like the names ';Jude, Maverick, Jaegar, Darwin'; that type of name...all she can seem to say is ';he will get teased with those names'; or ';he will hate you for naming him that'; etc etc. I'm sick of hearing it. She has even gone so far as to ';suggest'; we give him a ';normal'; middle name so she can call him by his middle name. Now, to me I think if everyone calls him his real name except his grandma he will of course feel like a freak and like she doesn't accept him as he is. I mean, say he's born and he likes his name (most people like their names right?) and then she chooses to call him something else because SHE doesn't like his name...its wrong. Now, it would be one thing if he was born and truly decided he didn't like his name and wanted to be called something else, but for her to just assume that he will be teased and to just automatically call him something else feels wrong to me. I don't know how to tell her to lay off. We've always been pretty close, and I know that she knows that I am going to name him what I want, but then why can't she just shut up about it?





Another thing she has done is made a comment once about how when he comes to her house he will pray before bed. We live in a pretty liberal part of the country, and I was not raised religious (so why would she try to impose religion on my child?). My husband was not really raised religious either, though a bit more than me (he grew up half Jewish...split family). But neither of us are comfortable with that being in our lives, or home, or our childs life. And yet she has declared out of nowhere that our child WILL pray at her house. She was raised catholic, but hasn't been to church in years (she sort of uses the catholic card when it suits her). When she said to me that he had to pray at her house I told her that if that was the case he wouldn't be spending time alone with her and she said I was being crazy. I told my husband about this conversation I had with her and he was VERY bothered and uncomfortable with it (he has two kids from his first marriage who's mother has really pushed religion on them and he's even uncomfortable when they come over and talk about it...we just aren't ok with it).





So I mean, I'm pregnant, and I know every pregnant person deals with some form of unwanted advice, but how do I cope with this? I don't want to withhold my son from her when he's born, but I also don't want her imposing her ';beliefs'; on him whether it be religious beliefs or her beliefs on what his name should be. I am the mom here, not her.








*and for the record we aren't against religious people, we firmly believe to each his own, and we do plan on teaching our son about the different religions, and he can choose what's best for him when he's old enough, but we will not be the type of parents who automatically make their kids to be Christian or Jewish or whatever just because that's what we do or don't believe. To each their own.Advice? I'm Pregnant and People Are Driving Me Nuts?
Wow that is a hard situation. All I can say is stick to your guns. When it comes to names most people get over names they don't like once the child is here. It is the child that we love not the name. I hated the name my sister gave my niece. I love my niece to pieces so I don't even mind her name anymore. As for religion that is a touchy situation. My husband and I chose not to baptize our son as I'm not Christian and my husband is a lapsed Catholic. While some family members had no problem with that we got comments from some people in his family asking how we could do such a thing. The only thing you can do is stand your ground and let your mom know that religion will be something that you want your child to find and decide on his own. Just let her know that you do not want to force religion on your child because you don't want it to be a chore for your child but a pleasure. If you get my meaning. Lots of luck to you.Advice? I'm Pregnant and People Are Driving Me Nuts?
My mother is driving me nuts also. She had 4 kids of her own and she doesnt believe me able to be pregnant on my own. It is annoying but i am thinking that's just how mothers are. I guess we will find out soon.
I think you and I are living parellel lives!!!I have had the same exact conversations with my in-laws(past-tense), and also my mom.Who I also love to death, but have VERY different ideas about how my children should be treated/raised/cared for.The thing that I found worked was to slowly work in the ideas. Like for instance, the name thing...wait until you are about to have the baby. Don't let her know now what the name will be. Just tell her, '; the name is undecided and we will let you know when we have come to a final decision.'; And then when she sees him for the first time, no matter what his name is, she will love him regardless...and can't say ANYTHING once he is born...it's not a thought, but a fact!





As far as the prayer at her house. That is just something she will have to learn to respect you on. By the time he is old enough to pray on his own, you will have alot more determination to demand that she follow YOUR rules. I think she will have a change of heart, and become scared that her visitation will be revoked. (My issue was with my mom, who smokes. I asked her to not do it where my children could see her, because my oldest came home and pretended to finger smoke at the young age of three.) She thought I was crazy, but those are my rules and my son was old enough to tell me if he saw the act. And she stopped. So my pont is, after writing a novel, is that if praying is all she has as a stipulation, then she should bend. SHE HAD THE CHANCE TO RAISE HER CHILDREN, and you get the say on how yours are raised now. Her job is provided love and relief when you and your husband want to go away. That is it... and just remember, Grandma's almost always have good intentions! :) Good luck!I loved your question!
WOW parents can make you nuts. Really I would put my foot down, I would tell her she will call him by his name, let her know you are grown up enough to have a baby and tell her it will follow your belief pattern if you chose one. She is not raising this baby YOU are. You really will need to tell her just so.





can you tell I had similar issues? Distance yourself a bit if you need to or get off the phone when she starts setting your goals for you.





My daughters names are Jorri and Jabin they are unusual and my mom hated it too.
In anything in life, you have to consider what you can control and what you can’t. In the scenario, you cannot control what anyone else thinks says or does, but you can control what you think, say, and do.





I’m going to go out on a huge limb here and guess that this is typical behavior for your mom, that she didn’t suddenly become Ms. “Negative Nancy, I have the answer for everything” when you got pregnant. Going with that assumption, why in the world would you open the door to her criticism by sharing info with her that she didn’t need to know yet?





You’re in control of your reactions, and how much people know about your plans. Share info, and you’re inviting feedback.





If someone asks what we’re naming our child, we explain that it’s a secret.





If someone offers me advice on child rearing, I sometimes just smile and say “Thanks, we’ll keep that in mind” or if they’re really pushy “I’m sorry. I’m not in the market for advice.”





I wholeheartedly agree with your stance on not letting your mother have the child overnight given her unwillingness to respect your views on religion. It would be very confusing for your child to get a mixed message from your mom. She doesn’t realize this is about your child, not her and not you.
i totally know how you feel. we named our first daughter Qeylee pronounced Keely. my mother-in-law hated the name mainly because of the way we spelled it. she doesn't even think anything of it now. we named our second daughter Hopper, people either love it or hate but i didn't really care. she, my mom-in-law, kept saying that she was going to be made fun of %26amp; people were going to say she hops from one bed to the next which is ludicris! don't get me wrong, i got super lucky with the best mother-in-law but the whole name thing is exactly what i went through. kids get made fun of no matter what their name is. now if you did the adolf hitler thing you are really asking for it. :) i think you should name your baby what you want. if you name him something normal someone will comment on it also, they won't like or whatever.


the religion thing is the same thing with us also. we are agnostic, i grew up in a very traditional church of christ family, church every sunday morn/night %26amp; wed night. my husband had a very tradtional baptist upbringing. so we grew up with religion we just don't think it is for us. she, mil, keeps taking our 3 yr old with her to church, we are fine with that but she keeps trying to get her to push the stories on her dad. we just ignore it.


being preggers is only making you more irritated. just try to be as patient as possible. maybe if you act like it doesn't bother you about this stuff she will quit trying to taunt you with it. that may be feeding her even more to do what she is doing.


good luck with your new baby.
That totally sounds like my mother-in-law. As far as the name thing goes, I agree with the other poster who said just don't tell her the name you choose until after he's born and it's on his birth certificate. Just tell her until then that you don't want to discuss it.





With the religion thing, my in-laws are pretty religious. My husband is only semi-religious, and I'm not very religious at all. We decided to raise our son to know about all religions and to respect them, but we want him to know that whatever religion he chooses is exactly that, his choice. We are going to tell him that when he visits his grandparents to respect their wishes while he's there to at least an extent. If they want to pray before a meal, then bow your head and listen, but that doesn't mean he has to believe in what they do. Basically, they are old and set in their ways and there's no sence in arguing with them (my husband has tried...it's no use...they are stubborn!), so you might as well go along with things and keep the peace. Now, on the other hand, if they would try to make him be baptized or something, then we would have problems unless it's what he wanted.





I guess what I'm trying to say is pick your battles on this one.





Good luck!
Honey you need to ignore them. If its hard to do that do not go to homes or answer thier calls.





OHH MY GOD! Is your mom married to my father-in-law? I have annoying inlaws. so i know what you going through. I really do. My father-in-law hate s the name i have choicen for my son. Vincenzo Joseph. He said that he will be made fun of too and worst, he insist with a like that he will not a job when he is older. It doesn't make any sense. My married name is ITALIAN so Vincenzo goes very well. Also i have seen little Vincenzo's in my daugter school so i know the name is being used.





I didnt go to thier home for 7 weeks always making excusing until my hubby said, Listen you gotta leave her alone. They have so far in my presece left me alone but talk about all my choises behind my back.





You got to just ignore them. This is what my cousin did when she picked her first son Rocco's name. She told everyone she was naming Chrisopher Anthony while in her heart she and her hubby knew his name was gonna be Rocco John. No one questioned her. In the hospital we say Rocco and said where Christopher... LOL





Just pretend to make her happy for the next 10 weeks and then in the hospital name your little guy what ever you want.





Now to the praying part. If you don't want you child to pray when stays over her house. Just don't teach him to pray at your home. I'm sure he wont even be able to mutter words that sound like a pray until he's 2 mostly 3. I'm sure in 3 years she will forget about it. Also your son will not be there that offen that its something he will regurally.





BTW is praying or being thankful for all the good that has happen that day a bad thing? I'm a in the closet Wiccan. My family is Catholic and so is my husband. I have taught my 7 year old alittle about magick. I pray to the Goddess %26amp; God and when i'm thankful i pray to the Higher Powers. No god has a name.
Repeat thge last line of your penultimate paragraph to her: you are the mother, here.





I'd advise you wait until your little baby comes, then see how she behaves. Don''t worry about the name, previous generations seem to have a hard time accepting more modern names, that modern parents do different stuff and it's no big deal.





As foir the praying. . . you have a few years before you REALLY need to worry. If it comes to that, though, I wouldn't mess around: tell her you have your own set of beliefs, you don't want your son confused, and it just isn't up to her. You don't have to issue an ultimatum right away, but keep it in the back of your mind. it's your child. You make these decisions, and she has to get used to that.





Hope you're feeling OK physically, and best of luck to you!
Call your child what you like... mum's are great but i hate my name so i would not trust her naming my child!!! ( I am called Kerry)





And just tell her that your child will not be visiting then or staying overnight!!!


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My mum went mad because we have not had our son christened... it's expensive to do everyone expects a party and i did not get married in a church so why would i do that!!!





Things change when you have kids you really become more assertive with your parents!!!!





Tell them to bog off while you can you will get away with it because of pregnancy hormones!!!
I agree with your mom about the name part - we are expecting our first baby very shortly, a boy. We went through all the names in the books and found some unique ones that we liked, but the more we thought about it, the more we realized, he needed a name that wouldn't cause him grief or get him picked on. Children can be cruel. Just because we liked it's uniquness, doesn't mean that he will. But it's up to the parents regardless. We decided to name our son Zachery and my mom said she didn't like it, even though we are extremely close, I had no problem telling her that it wasn't her decision (blame it on those wonderful pregnancy hormones) And she has since left it alone.





The prayer thing - well - you may have a battle ahead of you. It really depends on how she expects him to pray. I see nothing wrong with a child asking for safety at school or for mommy and daddy to be happy or for the family cat to feel better if she is sick. But if she is referring to hard-cord, rosary beads and hail Mary's - then I think that is taking it a bit far without parents approval. (my opinion)