Can Some people give me kind, honest advice about my situation?

My situation is this: I have met this guy (we met at the local library)that I really like and care about. In fact, he is what I've been searching for my whole life in so many ways, and we have so much in common and enjoy spending time together. However, there is one thing that has come up that concerns me. He places what to me seems like too much importance on physical appearance, and he seems very conscious about people's weight, especially women. He compared my appearance to his former girlfriend's one time to my face. What are some reasons why he would do that? Doesn't he know that it hurts people when you do that? I mean, I have never compared his appearance to my former boyfriends to his face.


A few years ago, before we met, I was a bit fuller-figured than I am now, and I showed him some old pictures, and I could see in his face that he found the ';old me'; not nearly as attractive. On one level, I feel like maybe this is not such a big deal, and on another level I feel like it means that he places conditions on love that are based on me staying within his narrowly defined confines of attractiveness. I know that anyone you meet is going to hold views or have ideas you don't agree with, so I don't want to blow it out of proportion. However, I am concerned because I'm afraid this means he is the type of man who will dump you if you get ';middle-age spread'; or if you just lose attractiveness with age.


Does this make sense? Can anyone help me put this in the proper perspective?Can Some people give me kind, honest advice about my situation?
You seem to me to have it figured out very well. It suggests to me that he is very superficial so that the physical aspect of the person is the only thing he cares about and the person ';inside'; is not. You don't describe any of his other attributes and that could be because he doesn't really have any. You may wish to meet more people and find someone who has more depth.You owe that to yourself especially since it is important to you.Can Some people give me kind, honest advice about my situation?
yeah it makes sense. he might put a little to much on looks but if he is everything you are looking for just leave it be for now. after you have been dating for awhile you can bring it up if you want to just don't blow it out of proportion when you do. also remember if he really does love you he wont care about you putting on pounds or getting less attractive with age. he will love you for your personality and if he only like you for your looks you should dump him.


good luck...
firstly as a full figured woman myself i find men who base the possibility of love on looks absolutely repulsive its a degrading practice and no woman should be subjected to it it's cliche to say but if he truly likes you he shouldn't be bother by what you look or looked like yes everyone has a type of companion that they look for but love is blind and holds no bounderies and you shouldn't have to feel like you need to stay slim in order to keep him i think you should talk to him bout the comparison thing to tell him how hurtful it is
Sure, the guy you are dating now, probably has ';fat kid'; complex. He grew up fat and teased as a kid, so now his standards for weight are pretty tight. HE was a fat kid, kicked his own butt into gear, and lost the weight. Now he realizes that there is no reason for anyone to be fat.





I wouldn't worry too much about it, because I think EVERYONE makes fun of fat people (even my BF who has ';fat kid'; complex), except for maybe fat people. I'm sorry, but fat and spandex NEVER go together! You have to understand, fat is not normal (Ultra skinny isn't either), laziness and over eating is the problem. America as a society is REALLY the problem. Gyms are very expensive and fast food is cheaper than fresh vegetables.





As for whether or not the guy your dating will leave you if you become too fat or ugly, who knows... if you have to ask, you probably don't know him too well. I met my BF when I was 165 pounds (I'm 6'2';) and right now I weigh 145 pounds, of the two, he likes me better at 145 pounds. I don't think he would leave me... but he does let me know when I've gained a little too much.





As for breaking up with you... you should ALWAYS try to look good for your partner. What is ';middle-age spread';? Does that mean you put on extra weight? I know a women who is in her late 40's and she LOOKS better than me and I'm 26, but she works out and eats right. What you need to do is not let yourself go! People who have ';middle-age spread'; don't work out, don't eat healthy, and just don't take care of themselves.





My parents are in their 50's and one of my old roommates called them, ';The incredible stick people,'; what you need to do is just keep yourself looking good and not let yourself go. In the end it will be better for you, because you will be healthy.





As for the guy comparing you to his ex... THAT'S CRAP! That is mean and rude. Maybe he was trying to establish standards and was trying to give you a hint about making yourself look better. You can either confront him and see what happens, break up with him, or just see how things go. You are the only one who can decide.