Thursday, December 31, 2009

How do you handle people giving you parenting advice?

I have been receiving parenting advice from my sister who has no kids. I have been a nanny for the last 4 years and now have an 11 month old of my own. I have read books/articles and talked to other mom's. My husband and I try to stick to a schedule to meet her needs for sleep and meals. Now my sister who is married with no kids says she doesn't agree with my parenting style??? How do I handle this? I really want to tell her that I don't care what she thinks but I don't want to cause a huge fight. HELP!How do you handle people giving you parenting advice?
you tell her that you don't care what she thinks!!!!!!!!!.......





the best way to handle a situation like this is to simply tell her ...


'listen i am not trying to hurt your feelings but the fact is that you NEVER know what being a parent is REALLY like until you have children of your own. i appreciate that you have your own thoughts and opinions but this is MY child and i will do as i see fit. if you don't agree that's fine but please keep it to yourself.';





no matter what you say or how nice you say it you will more then likely make her mad. but the fact of the matter is that it's really easy to hand out parenting advice when you don't have any kids of your own. everyone has an IDEA of what raising a kid is like.......until they have one of their own and realize everything they thought they knew before has now been blown out of the water. so even though you don't want to start a fight you simply have to be upfront with her or it will never stop.


good luckHow do you handle people giving you parenting advice?
Tell her 'thank you for your advice' and change the subject. Then do whatever you want to do. You never know. One day your sister may actually have some bit of advice you can use.





It is NO DIFFERENT if you have certain health conditions. People will keep giving you advice (even vehemently repeating advice because they think you don't get it). Alas, they can't accept that their solutions don't work. Rather than arguing, I just change the subject.
you respectfully tell her when she has children she can give you all the advice she wants! my younger brother does this too - I have 3 kids and he has none and he always wants to tell me tricks to do with them. I just tell him thanks for the advice but I have tried all that and it doesn't work - you will find out when you have kids.





My husband is more blunt and says, ';here you raise my kids then';
i hate it. but you know what im the kind of person that i dont care what ppl say so my fam dont even bother on telling me what to do plus they say i do a good job. but at first i did have everyone trying to tell me and you know what its better to be rude for a min than be annoy a life time so tell your sister than every one has different views and that you respect hers but it dont mean you agree and ask her to respect your cause the baby is your not hers.
your sister means no harm maybe she envoys you abit try talking to her about clamly about it . if you trust her ask her if she would like to look after your baby for the day .all babies are different just like wise parents ;she should wait till she has a baby of her owen before she starts giving out advice
i am sure you dont argee with her either


just tell her flat out


i had to do this with my mom


she butts in when i try to tell my 2 yr old not to do something


i tell her to stop
if its your family you should be able to speak to them honestly without offending them after all she is not bothered about your feelings when she is telling you she doesnt agree, just tell her when she has children then she can advise you.
Let it go in one ear and right out the other.





there is no use arguing with her and it will just upset you.


Smile, nod and forget it.
Hmmm... i would tell her ';i really appreciate the advice your giving me sis but the way iv been running my things for a while has been working for me....';


you can tell her sumthing like that... lol i would
1) smile


2) nod


3) say think you


4) move on





It ain't worth the fight.
People are perfect parents...until they have a baby of their own. Point that out to your sister.
This seems to happen a lot between new parents, or parents in general, and their childless (or even with children) friends give advice.





Have you considered that there is any truth to what she is saying? Many parents become defense and less objective when someone is criticizing their parenting. Maybe step back for a min, and just see if there is?





Remember that she has never been a parent. Clearly, there are many things in life you dont understand until its you going through it. I never had a strong opinion about assisted suicide until I became a cancer patient, and have lived through that hell. Everyone who talked to me meant well, but always said or did something wrong. I had to fight myself to not be upset with some of the things that happened or was said (and still do) because I know they dont understand.





If this is a case like that, where she just doesnt understand... the only thing you can do is help her walk a mile in your shoes. Maybe try to explain it to her, or try to show her. Im sure you feel like you shouldnt have to, and maybe your right. But if it can facilitate some sort of understanding between the two of you about this advice, it might just be worth doing it even though you shouldnt have to. I shouldnt have to worry about my stuff being stolen at my brother in laws, but I still dont leave my purse laying out.





At the same time, you should try to understand that she probably doesnt mean it to be or even understand why it upsets you or why you dont like it. Keep in mind that in the end, her intentions are probably good, just misplaced.
there seem to be alot of people that think they know better then you i know. my mum spent 3 days telling me my milk was no good because my son kept crying (he had wind) and as i was only 7 days after giving birth it was ripping me up thinking i wasnt good enough for him. but he was gaining more then enough weight so it never was that. my mum would have continued to critisise my milk if i didnt very forcefully tell her that i dont agree with that and this is what im going to do.





i think u need to do that with your sister, be forcefull but still polite, explain to her when she has kids she can parent them the way she wants, your parenting this way and it would be really nice if she would accept that.





ppl need to learn that they can inform you of something but the decision is up to you so y do they push it? its annoying i know but you do need to be forcefull when explaining to her how she is making u feel and stuff. but try to avoide a fight thats the last thing u need.
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